Cornelius and Sybil: A Horrible Combination
by cuddlebearlove
Summary: 9th in the series. Cornelius decides to give his version of the talk to Harry for the sake of the wizarding world. Then Sybil shows up. Others in the series are referenced.


Disclaimer: Not mine

Cornelius and Sybil: A Horrible Combination

A week after the letter from Voldemort, Harry was once again sitting in the Great Hall eating breakfast with his friends. As they were discussing their classes for the day, Cornelius Fudge entered the hall.

"What's the minister doing here?" Ron asked.

"Hm, maybe it has something to do with the tournament." Hermione said. "Though I don't see why he would come here now."

Fudge strolled up to the professors' table where he was greated by Dumbledore. The two spoke briefly before the headmaster glanced at Harry.

"Wonder why they are discussing you." Ron said, then laughed hysterically. "Maybe- ha ha, maybe Fudge wants to tell you all about sex. Ha ha."

"Oh Ronald, grow up." Hermione said. "Surely the Minister of Magic has better things to do then come teach a teen boy about sex."

"One would hope." said Harry as he watched Dumbledore nod and Fudge smile.

Dumbledore leaned over to Professor McGonnagal and whispered something to her. She looked angry but nodded and stood. It didn't take long to realize that her destination was Harry.

"Mr. Potter." she said. "Professor Dumbledore and the Minister would like you to go to the headmaster's office."

"Do you know why?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I am not at liberty to say."

"Have the Dursleys died?" he asked, half hopeful.

"No." his head of house answered before turning and leaving.

"Better go, Harry. Don't want to keep them waiting." Ron said, smirking.

"It's not about that." Harry said before standing to leave the hall.

Somehow, Dumbledore and Fudge had beaten Harry back to the office in spite of the fact that he left before they did. The teen was very nervous as he entered the room.

"Ah, Harry. Excellent. Please do have a seat. Would you like any tea, or perhaps a nice lemon drop." Professor Dumbledore offered.

"No, thank you."

"You are probably wondering why you have been asked here again, are you not?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, the Minister," here Dumbledore paused and glanced over at Fudge. "Feels that he should have a word with you regarding a recurring theme lately."

"No." Harry said.

"I beg your pardon." Fudge piped up. "You will stay and listen to what I have to say."

"Where's Voldemort when you really need him?" Harry wondered aloud.

"You will breed with a pure-blood." Fudge said totally ignoring the teen.

"Excuse me?"

"You must marry a pure-blood for the sake of the wizarding world." Fudge clarrified.

"Oh, good. That clears it all up." Harry said sarcastically.

"You must continue to strenghten the magical community. That can only be done by strengthening you magic, which can only be done by marrying a pure-blood and continuing your noble line." Fudge said, looking satisfied.

"But- but I'm a half-blood." Harry said in an utterly confused tone of voice.

"Yes." Fudge said.

"Um, what?" Harry asked.

"You see, if you marry a half-blood or, Merlin forbid, a muggleborn, then your blood will be too thin magically for your offspring and you will not be as respected as you are now." Fudge said.

"Wait. Wouldn't kids of two half-bloods just have more half-bloods? How is that a problem? You also forgot to mention that I could also marry a muggle."

"Mr. Potter, if you are not going to take this conversation seriously then-"

"I am taking it seriously. I seriously think you are being a-"

"Now, Harry." Dumbledore interrupted. "At least try to keep an open mind to what Cornelius is saying, even though Cornelius is not being very open-minded at all."

"What do you mean by that, Dumbledore?" Fudge asked.

"Simply that you should know better than to think that the purity of one's blood is what dictates magical power." Albus answered.

"As I was saying." Cornelius continued right before the door to Dumbledore's office burst open.

"Ah, there you are. It is just as I saw in my crystal ball." Professor Trelawney said in her airy voice that made Harry want to throw said crystal ball at her.

"Good morning, Sybil. What can I do for you?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

"I have come to give you a warning. Your activities are lacking in productivity."

"What the hell does that mean?" Fudge asked.

"You need to direct your energies into more positive things. I have foreseen it." the Divination teacher answered.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Fudge asked again. "Dumbledore, do you know what she is talking about?"

"I simple mean, my poor misguided Minister, that you are wasting time." Then she turned to Harry. "My dear boy, you must know by now that your time on this earth is drawing to a close. I fear you will not live long enough to enjoy the beauty that is a woman. I am sorry, dear."

"Um, okay." Harry said.

"Now see here. You can't threaten the Boy-Who-Lived. It is not allowed. He must choose a wife carefully to further the wizarding world."

"No, it will not happen. I have foreseen it." Sybil insisted. They continued to argue as Dumbledore exchanged a look with Harry. He had not supported Fudge's lecture, but did not want to anger the Minister. Battles must be chosen wisely in dark times, and Albus trusted Harry not to put any stock in what Fudge was saying.

Harry stood and prepared to go. As he reached the door he turned and loudly said. "It really doesn't matter one way or the other. Haven't you heard? I'm gay."

The shock of his life came when he heard Sybil triumphantly exclaim "I knew it." just as the door closed behind him.

"So what did Fudge want?" Ron asked as Harry entered the common room.

"To talk about sex." Harry answered through clenched teeth.

"No bloody way." Ron said, eyes growing wide.

"Are you serious, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Yes."

"Well, at least you know it isn't going to get worse." Ron added helpfully, while Hermione launched into a rant about wasting Ministry resources.

"That's what you think. It got worse in the middle of the lecture." Harry glanced at Hermione to see how she was going to take this news. "You see, Fudge was telling me that I needed to marry a pure-blood to continue my powerful magic-"

"What?" shrieked the witch, predictably.

"Can you save the hostility over this for a little later?" Harry asked, then continued. "Trelawney burst in and declared that everyone was wasting their time with these little talks, because I would not be living long enough to have sex."

Ron looked torn between laughter and tears, though to be fair, Harry thought they might be tears of laughter. Hermione looked both shocked and ready to explode.

"Hey, guys? You don't think I'm gay, do you?"

"No."

"Of course not. Why?"

"I used that as my excuse for leaving the meeting. Trelawney claims she knew it all along."

"Harry, she's nothing more than a fraud. Don't worry." Hermione said.

"Yeah, she's always wrong." Ron added. "So, who would you like to get the talk from next?"

"Go to hell, Ron." Harry snapped as he opened his Charms book to finish his homework.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this series. Fudge and Trelawny were the most popular requests so here they are. I am well aware that what Fudge said doesn't make a lot of sense but it was designed that way, as most of the things he says don't make sense. I still have ideas for a couple of others. Thanks to everyone for their continued support. Please review:)


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